The Art of Charm podcast, hosted by AJ and Johnny, often focuses on the underlying interpersonal interactions that frame our experiences, perceptions, and “social capital”. The podcast often welcomes guests from diverse backgrounds and speaks to their experiences as a guide for navigating relationships, finding success, and maintaining authenticity. Recently, AJ and Johnny welcomed social entrepreneur Miki Agrawal as a guest on the podcast.
In addition to being the founder of companies like Wild, Thinx, and Tushy, Miki Agrawal is a prolific public speaker and is often touted for her ability to capture audiences through honest introspection. With years of experience in business and leadership, author Miki Agrawal penned “Do Cool Sh*t” and “Disrupt-Her”.
Below, check out excerpts from the podcast episode:
Johnny: We were laughing about this today because we were coming in talking about how many people are living these lives online virtually or through social media and whatnot. They’re trying to live up to these things but they’re unable to and what is that cause. That is causing mass anxiety and doubt and of course, authenticity is this new word that everyone seems to be struggling with and trying to run towards. Because we’re living in a place that is so disingenuous with the social media that everyone’s trying to live up to and it’s like that’s self-induced.
Miki Agrawal On The Power of a Chrysalis Period
Miki Agrawal: It is and that’s like the perfect angle on how many pictures can you take from this angle, which is part of my jawline. And then someone and then like you don’t want to be seen publicly because people only know you from like this part of space. It’s just like all the filters and all the likes and comparing yourself to other people. It just creates the worst version of ourselves. So, for me like so I’m right now in my three months when it called my chrysalis, which is a three-month time in. I’ve actually never taken any time in my adult life, where I’m able to like really not be in the throes of email, of social, of like doing, doing, doing, doing. But really in a place of reading, of journaling, of introspection. And I’m taking three months.
My CEO, and COO, are super supportive of me at this time. Just really grateful that I get this time and I think these are the periods where we can figure out what is it, what our next move is. What is it that we care about?
AJ: And who are we?
Miki Agrawal: And who are we?
AJ: Because we’re so inundated by the media and marketing to be someone else to be inauthentic.
Miki Agrawal: And then I turned off my social media for three months. I just took them off my phone. And it’s been really lovely.
AJ: Let’s hop into our mailbag. We got a great question here that I think you’re going to have a fantastic answer to around storytelling.
Miki Agrawal: Yeah.
AJ: It’s an interesting twist. So, I’m a new listener to your podcast. I’ve been listening for a few episodes on storytelling which was the theme a few months back. I’ve often thought of myself as a bit of a storyteller though I know I can get better. I have a question though. When in conversation how do I encourage others to tell their stories? Often, I find that people answer in one or two sentences to the questions that I could easily talk on and on about. Any advice would be appreciated?
Encouraging Others To Share
Miki Agrawal: Actually, have to feed them a question of like telling you a story of a time when. Or like can you give me an example of like we know, over time we just had a great conversation about confidence. Put me in the scene of the time you felt most confident. So, just like I think it’s really about a moment in time and getting people to relive a story and not tell a story and I’m sure you’ve heard that a million times too. But it’s something that we forget often is like put me in, like show me like what was happening? Who are you talking to? Give me the dialogue. Like I just want to put myself in the scene.
AJ: Yeah.
Miki Agrawal: And I think it’s like if you make them, put themselves back in that moment, they can relive the story and it’s now a story and no longer like yeah, I learned this. I was like okay so then I went here and then in the woods, I stumbled upon this infinity crystal. And I walked inside and saw millions of versions of myself and then this old man shows up or I could have just said yeah, I like found love for myself, right.
AJ: Yeah.
Miki Agrawal: So, it’s like or put me back in that scene and Live that moment with me. So, I think that’s a really great way of leading somebody into reliving a moment.
AJ: Some vulnerability there and I think putting me in that scene is so beautiful. Because immediately it’s like oh well I have to paint the full picture.
Miki Agrawal: Yeah.
AJ: You can’t just give a couple of details. I really gotta set it for the other person to follow along.
Miki Agrawal: Yeah.
Creating Space to Share
AJ: And I think a big part of this and we talk about this on the show is all we can do is create the space for other people to share. But we can’t manipulate people into sharing when they want to share or telling stories because we want them to do so.
Miki Agrawal: Totally.
AJ: And that’s such a big mistake that we make and whether it’s oh I want this person to feel a certain way about me or I want to be perceived. We don’t have that kind of control.
Miki Agrawal: We don’t.
AJ: The only control we have is of our own behavior and what we’re sharing and what we talk about is actually following or leading by example. So, if you want someone to really open up and be vulnerable well you have to go first and I’m sure it’s the same with these taboos that we’re talking about. In a boardroom, no one wants to talk about periods so you’re going to have to go first and you’re going to have to talk about periods to get people to go you know, what I can. I can break through and now I can talk openly about this.
Miki Agrawal: Yeah, I mean I think it’s just like massaging the relationship a little bit more and that like to get them more and more comfortable by just asking them like oh like just keep further inquiry.
Johnny: And I want to bring up something that we’ve talked a lot about on this show as well when it comes to this is, we’ve tended to think that everyone’s doing the same things that we are.
Miki Agrawal: Right.
Johnny: And so, if we are doing all this work in order to get better at storytelling and get more socially confident and put ourselves out, we forget that not everyone else is in that same headspace. So, because you’re interested in getting better at storytelling and putting yourself out there and meeting people, the other people that you’re going to are utterly terrified because we’re now in this place where everyone’s technology is so important, then socialization is one of the last things that anyone is working on at this point.
Miki Agrawal: This is where you guys come in.
Socialization As a Skill
Johnny: Yeah. Well, you’ve put yourself together to walk over there. You’re working on these new skills. You’re really good and you’re feeling good about your process, but the other people are against the wall freaking out that you’ve come over there to say hello. So, back to AJ’s point is remember, not everyone is seeing this as an opportunity to progress and get better. They’re still working out on their show. So, by creating that space, they’re going to be more inclined to open up. However, you cannot force people to do that.
Miki Agrawal: Yeah, 100%. My husband Andrew, he started he’s in the process of finishing his book called Social Flow, which is about how to be in a flow state in social situations.
Johnny: Yeah.
Miki Agrawal: And I think 70 or 80% of people suffer from social anxiety. Like it’s a real thing.
Johnny: It is.
Miki Agrawal: Especially today with every on their social media and not really in person. So, going into this networking when he’s connecting groups or walking into a room where you don’t know anybody. Like there’s a lot of real anxiety that comes up for people. And so, he came up with a really brilliant system that gets people in their flow state and it’s called, “I Can”. And you guys should meet with him at some point because he’s so great. And basically, “I Can” stands for like intentionality, curiosity, authenticity, now and so the presence. So, the idea is that like you first, you set an intention, okay. I’m walking into this room going to this meeting or I’m going to this podcast interview or I’m going to do this very important presentation. Like what’s my intention?
Okay, my intention is to have a really great time. My intention to have a really fun chat and get to know these guys. Like, that’s my intention. And then okay, curiosity. What am I interested in knowing? Like okay, so I’m really curious to know what you guys are interested in working on right now, oh like the stuff you guys doing at work is so interesting. I’m like thinking about what other companies can work with you in the office. Conflict resolution, all the epic stuff that you guys are working on. I’m so curious about that, right. And then, authenticity is like, what do I authentically want to share? Well, I’m just sharing whatever questions get thrown to me. I’m going to share from my authentic place and then, the most important thing is now is to be present.
So, it’s like, what’s my intention? What do I want to know? What I want to share and be present and that’s it. And once you really like get that flow of it and you’re not like, it’s not contrived anymore. It just becomes part of you, then, you can enter any room and really get relaxed. Like what question do I want to ask? What it’s like just like, oh what’s, just get to know them and ask a real question you want to know.
AJ: All of those. All four of those things are inside of you. You are controlling you.
Miki Agrawal: Yes.
AJ: You are setting the intention. You are being curious. You are being authentic.
Miki Agrawal: And present.
